Why Is It So Hard For Me To Forgive?

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Early in my Christian walk, I made a disturbing discovery. Though I had become a disciple of Christ, I found that I was not immediately able to walk like Jesus did.

It showed up most profoundly in my ability to forgive.

I would sincerely “try” to forgive, but I seldom was able. It was such a struggle for me until one day when, during prayer, I received a revelation of the Truth about forgiveness and me.

Trying To Forgive
Our Lord asked me, “My child, do you want to know what I see when you’re trying to forgive someone?”. I didn’t really understand, but I said yes. And then, as I prayed, He showed me a picture of me, flexing like a bodybuilder, muscles tight, body shaking - TRYING to forgive.

It was funny and not funny at the same time. I saw how silly I looked trying to do that which God had commanded me to do. And - for the first time - I saw that I was trying to do it through the force of my own will. It was clear to me that my feeble attempts would never result in real forgiveness.

Our Lord told me what I had already read in the Bible and what had already been preached to me from the pulpit - that forgiveness was an “inside job.“ It was the forgiveness of God in us, working through us, that changed hearts.

And so, hearing nothing new, I sheepishly asked our Lord a dangerous question. “Well, if I already know these things You’ve told me, Lord, why is it so hard for me to forgive?”. His answer changed my life. (Click on the "Read More!" link below to read further and hear a great song about forgiveness)
“Oh, I see.”Jesus reminded me of some profound lessons that He’d taught me early in my walk with Him - lessons about how we think and communicate. our Lord had taught me that we basically are “seeing” when we think. Seeing in our minds, that’s all.

Try this exercise, and you’ll see what I mean. Don’t read down the page right now. Close your eyes and clear your mind of everything. Then open your eyes and look here again.

OK. What is the VERY FIRST thing you think of when you hear the word:

Scroll down now










Disneyland.










Was is Mickey Mouse? Goofy? The Matterhorn? Space Mountain? It’s A Small World? The Parade? These are some of the most popular answers to this question.

But no one sees the word “Disneyland” written on a page when they think of Disneyland. No, we get a picture in our minds that we’ve stored away in the past that means “Disneyland” to us.

We don’t think in words. We think in pictures.

And this is how we seek to communicate with one another, as well, if you’ll think about it. When we converse with someone, we’re trying to get them to “see” what we’re “seeing”. Isn’t it interesting that when someone finally understands something you’re saying, that they sometimes say “Oh, I see............”

How Many Times?
So Jesus reminded me of these lessons that He’d taught me. And then He dropped a bombshell my most recent attempts to forgive a man I’ll call Mike. Mike had acted in a very condescending manner toward me, and had spoken very harshly to me in a recent conversation.

Our Lord asked me, “My child, how many times did Mike say those things to you?”. “Well, once, Lord,” I replied. “And how many times do you need to forgive him, if you truly forgive him from your heart?,” He asked. “Once, Lord,” I responded.

Then our Lord said to me, “My child, you’ve been playing this event OVER and OVER in your mind. You’ve been remembering what you saw, what you heard, and how it felt - AGAIN and AGAIN. And every time you replay it in your mind, it feels like it did the first time.”

“My child,” our Lord continued, “Mike only said those things to you ONE time, he only hurt you ONCE, but because you’ve played it over and over in your mind, you feel like he’s done it 40 times. You’ve added 39 offenses to his account, My child, 39 times that never really happened, and yet you have not forgiven him for the first, real offense.”

“This is why it is so hard for you to forgive”.

“Whether it is forgiving another person or forgiving yourself, My child,” our Lord said, “It must be done in two ways. It must be REAL. And it must be REAL FAST,” so that that the enemy and your flesh will not tempt you to add sins to another’s account which they did not commit.

God’s Word, God’s Forgiveness
So why is it so hard to forgive? Because we REHEARSE the matter over and over in our minds before trying to forgive.

Psalm 77:11 - 12 tells us what kinds of things we should REHEARSE in our minds:

I will remember the works of our Lord (not man‘s):
Surely I will remember Thy wonders of old (CALL them to mind).
I will MEDITATE also of all Thy work, (REHEARSE it in our minds)
and TALK of Thy doings (not our offenders’ doings ).

Philippians 4:8 - 9 tells us:
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

And on forgiveness, the Word of God says in 2 Corinthians 2:7 - 9, 11:
So that contrariwise, you ought rather to forgive him [who has offended], and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow.
Wherefore I beseech you that you would confirm [give evidence of] your love toward him.
For to this end also did I write [to you], that I might know the proof of you [what is really in your hearts], whether you are obedient in all things.
Lest satan should get advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.

And in Romans 15:7:
Wherefore, receive ye one another, as Christ also received us to the glory of God.

And finally in John 8:9b - 11, one of the most beautiful portraits of all of our Lord‘s forgiveness:
.....and Jesus was left alone, [with] the woman standing in the midst.
When Jesus had lifted Himself up, and saw none but the woman, He said unto her, “Woman, Where are thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?”.
She said, “No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee.......”.

One of the most beautiful songs ever written about Peter's encounter with Jesus when he asked Him about forgiveness is Whiteheart's Seventy Times Seven. Don't miss this! Please listen to Jesus' words as they are sung into your heart.