A Crowded Heart

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When I was without Christ, my heart was lonely and empty. It was busy with frustration and fear, mind you, but it was lonely and empty.

When I became Christ’s disciple, He began a renovation project within me like I never expected. There was nothing left when He was finished. He even laid a new foundation; Himself.

So, in a way, my heart was still empty in the early stages of His work in me, but in a different way. Now my heart was also empty of the frustration and fear.

Over the years, Jesus has filled my heart. He has filled my heart with Him, with a deep sense of my helplessness without Him and dependence upon Him, with wonder for everything about Him.

I have worked with a Christ-centered recovery house for men for some years now. Yesterday, I was at a meeting where the establishment of the same type of recovery house for women was being discussed.

As we talked, I thought back as I regularly do on the many men who have come through the men’s house over the years. I thought back on how I remember them all. They, and the love that God gave me for them, have filled my heart.

Jesus has given me a crowded heart.

Jesus has given me a heart crowded with love and faces and shared experiences. No busyness of frustration our fear now lives there, though they seek to knock at times at the door of my heart. There is no room for them, though. Too crowded, you see.

So Jesus has given me a crowded heart, crowded with very special love and very special faces and very special shared experiences. Some of those faces have passed on now, Rick, Eric, Steve. But my love for them and shared experiences with them and all the others who abide in my crowded heart will never change. There they will live with me in love for as long as He gives me breath.

Look, over there, you’ll see.......

There's Alex, Bo, Tom, Bill, James, Larry, another Tom, Bruce, Steve, another Larry, Mike, and Doug. Over there, there's Danny, Keith, another Bill, another Keith, Ken, another Alex, and Glen. Oh, and see over there? That's Ron, another Mike, Jim, another Steve, Bud, another Doug, Chris, another Ron, Phil, Ray, another Phil, Tim, Johnny, Eric, another Steve, Rick.......so many more.......

I love you guys. So much.

Jesus, You have given me a heart full of You and others and my love for You and them. You have given me a heart filled with Your love and their love for me.

Thank You for giving me a crowded heart.



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Changing The World

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In the film Evan Almighty, Evan Baxter is a modern-day idealist who wins election to Congress by promising to "change the world." As he is entering office, however, he comes to find that God has chosen him to be a modern-day Noah.

Fighting God's plan for his life and the dramatic sacrifices it will require of him, Evan (portrayed by Steve Carell) has an encounter one day with God. God says to Evan, “You want to change the world, son. So do I.”

Problem is for most of us, God doesn't go about changing the world like we would. God starts with us and those around us, and changes the world from the inside out.

In the special moment from Evan Almighty in the clip below, God (portrayed by Morgan Freeman) explains to Evan's confused and bewildered wife (portrayed by Lauren Graham) about how He does things, how He changes things.

Thinking that she is asking a server for a refill for her fried fish basket, she is at first unaware that it is God speaking to her. When the encounter concludes, however, she is left speechless.

When we pray for patience, when we pray for courage, when we pray for closeness with others, how does God change the world? (Click on the arrow in the middle of the video screen to play)







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No Shortcuts For Butterflies

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Billy and Susie could not wait. They had watched the caterpillar create its cocoon, and now racked with suspense as they beheld it every day, waiting for the butterfly to emerge.

Able to wait no longer, Billy had an idea. “Susie,” he said, “We will help the butterfly! Let’s get some scissors and cut the cocoon open for him. Don’t worry, we’ll be careful.”

After much convincing, Susie agreed and they proceeded to get a pair of scissors and oh, so gently cut open the cocoon. Inside lay the butterfly they had so longed to see. Their eyes lit up the moment they could see his wings, and soon the wings began to flutter. It was only a few minutes, however, that they knew something was desperately wrong.

The butterfly wasn’t flying. It was as though he couldn’t. He just laid there flopping around and, soon thereafter, their beloved butterfly died.

What Billy and Susie didn’t yet know, and we as believers sometimes forget, is that butterflies will die if you cut open their cocoon. Why? Because God made it so that it is the struggle of them constantly flexing their wings against the walls of their cocoon that strengthens their wings to the point that they can fly when they emerge. Without that struggle, they are helpless, weak, and will soon die.

Sometimes we ponder why God might allow us to feel trapped within situations and even seasons in our lives. Why is it taking so long for this to end? Why can’t I immediately break free from this as I have from other situations in my life in the past? Why is this struggle so hard?

Perhaps our Heavenly Father has purposed to bring about a great transformation in our hearts and lives, to through it change us to be more like His Son and our Lord Christ Jesus. Perhaps we need to struggle to strengthen our wings for this new season. Perhaps the struggle that what we perceive to be so hard is actually a new life being born.

Jesus entered the cocoon of the grave for us all, and emerged as the Savior and Captain of our souls. He's been through it. He knows what it's like. So don't hesistate to ask him for His help.

Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let's not let it slip through our fingers. We don't have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.
Hebrews 4:14-16

Don’t try short-cuts. Put away the scissors. And keep flexing those wings. In just a little while, you’re going to need them to fly.



Below is a time-lapse video of a Monarch butterfly emerging from its cocoon. Look familiar? View the end result.







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You Formed Me In My Mother's Womb

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Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.
Psalm 139:13-16

A Faith Forged In The Fire

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Dedicated with overwhelming love to my dear friends K and C, with whom I have seen Jesus walking in the fire.

There once was a man who was ship-wrecked on a desert island. All on board his vessel died but him, and he was all alone on the island.

He set about to build a small house and couple other small structures. He had to fashion tools of his own because he didn’t have any tools. And so he built his camp as best he could. He was not very good at it at first, and it required many lessons and many failed attempts until he was able to fashion structures that would stand up in the elements. When he was done, he realized that it was a good camp. There were a couple of things that he might have changed if he could have built it again, but it was a good camp, and so he settled in to the life that God had given him.

Every day, he would read his Bible out loud, from the book of Psalms. He did this for 3 reasons; to keep his faith strong, so that he would not forget how to speak, and so he would always remember what it was like to hear a human voice. Day after day, he read and he spoke those Psalms out loud, and he prayed.

The man had a sack in which he placed the few things that he would take with him from the island when and if he was rescued. The sack sat against a tree at the edge of the camp, waiting for that day. And so every day, the man spent his day reading and speaking the psalms of God, praying, hunting for food, and ever watching the water in hope of seeing a passing ship that might rescue him.

Early one morning as the sun was rising, when he was far up on a mountain hunting for food, he saw enormous billows of smoke rising from the direction of his camp on the beach. (Click on the "Read More!" link below)


As quickly as he could, he ran all the way down the mountain and back to the beach, only to find that his entire camp had burned to the ground. His tools were intact and his sack that was leaning against the tree at the edge of the camp, but the buildings had been completely destroyed. Smoke filled the sky, and there was nothing left of what he had worked so hard to build.

I imagine that it would have been easy for most people to become full of despair at that moment, thinking back on having been ship-wrecked, on the loneliness he experienced, on the hardship he had endured, and now the loss of everything he had built.

But this man wasn’t like everyone. He had a faith, and this circumstance had only served to strengthen that faith until it was stronger than ever before. Every day, he had been reading the Psalms and praying. Every day, he had read those Psalms and listened as God’s Word spoke out loud to him of how God will always be with us, how there are angels around us to protect us and keep us, how in good times and in bad, in life and even in death, our God will be with us.

And so he did not look at his circumstance through eyes of despair. Hard as it may have been, the man looked at his circumstance through the eyes of faith. He looked at the camp in ruins and the only things that remained - his bag and his tools - and he saw something amazing.

He saw that he still had the tools that he needed to rebuild a new life. Not only that, he realized that he had already learned most of the hard lessons that he would need to learn about how to build and how not to build. This time, he realized, he could build something that was nearly perfect, a better camp, a smarter camp, one stronger, one more secure, a camp that would never burn down again.

And so, yet early in that morning, he set about to begin his work with great passion and joy, and in no time at all, he had rebuilt the first building of the camp.

The next morning as he was beginning to work on building the next structure, he glanced out to sea, and what he saw took his breath away. At the very edge of the horizon, he saw sails. Heading straight for the island was a ship. Several hours later, that ship, the good ship Hope, anchored off the coast, and sent a landing party to shore.

As the landing boat approached the shore a half mile down the beach from his camp, the man grabbed his bag and ran down to meet them. He met them with joy, and told them of his story. The men on the landing boat were amazed, and they immediately developed immense respect for the man when they heard of his ordeal. He, in turn, had great appreciation for them, for they had come to him in the time of his greatest need.

“There’s just one thing that I don‘t understand, though,” the man asked the men of the crew as they were rowing back to the good ship Hope. “How did you know that I was here? How did you find me?”

“Why, we saw the smoke of your signal fire yesterday, coming up over the horizon,” they said. “It’s a good thing you made your fire that big, too, or we never would have seen it and come to your aid.”

And so the man realized that not only had his experience on the island drawn him closer to God, but that God had used the loss of all that he had built there to bring him together with those with whom he would share a deep friendship for the rest of his life.

This man’s faith had been forged by God in the fire.

Many people have lived stories that are much like that of the man on the island. The faith which they possess today has been forged in the fire, just as his was. In the midst of that fire, they have been reading God’s Word and praying. They have been hearing it in their ear, telling them of God’s earnest desire to be one with them, of His earnest desire for them to be one with one another, of His earnest desire that they might reach out together to help those around them who are yet in the midst of a fire. They have been sensing those words of God and those prayers building up their most holy faith as never before.

These things are gifts that can only come from God. He has given you another gift, as well. If you will pause and consider the circle of friends - I mean true friends - who stand around you, you will realize the precious gift from God that surrounds you.

All around you stand those who saw the smoke of your own fire rising above the horizon. They saw it and they came to you. For you, these people are like the crew of the good ship Hope.

In God’s Word, we read of Shadrach, Meshack and Abednego, men whose faith was forged by God in the fire. Shadrach, Meshack and Abednego were thrown into the fiery furnace by an evil king who demanded that they worship him instead of God. But they would not. And so the king had the fiery furnace heated to seven times its intended heat, so hot that the men who threw Shadrach, Meshack and Abednego - bound hand and feet - into the furnace died from the heat.

But when he heard no screams, the king walked to where he could see into the furnace and he looked in to see what was happening. “How many men did we throw bound into the furnace?,” the king asked incredulously. “Three,” the people around him replied. “Well, I see four men walking free inside of the furnace,” the king said with amazement, “and the fourth one looks like the Son of God.”

If we seek a simple and genuine faith, asking God to help us as we sometimes blindly find our way in that faith, He will be with us always. There will still be fiery furnaces in our lives, but if we trust in Him, He will accompany us every step of the way.

I have had the honor of sharing my life with wonderful people. I have seen some of them go through times when it was as if they were being thrown, bound hand and foot, into the fiery furnace. I have seen them set free in the midst of that fire. And I have seen One walking with them. When I have beheld them walking through their fiery furnace, I have seen Jesus.

We must remember this as we walk forward in this life.. We must remember that, as we trust in Him in all things, and we continue to read His Word and pray, as we continue to live the life that He has given us, He will be with us always. And when we seek and possess and live out a simple and genuine faith in God, even if it’s on a desert island or in a fiery furnace, people will see Jesus.

The Winepress of His Love

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God allows things - trials and tribulations - to come into our lives to help along the process of our transformation. As we walk through these testings with Christ, our ways of the independent flesh are replaced with God's ways as we become dependent upon Him through the Spirit.
 
God wants to get down to the real us - the "Spirit" us. And so he allows us, like grapes, to be squeezed until all that is left is the juice, the wine, the Spirit.
 
It's not fun being in the winepress of His love, not in the flesh, anyway. It discomforts....our flesh. It hurts.....our flesh. It destroys....our flesh. It is a place of learning, of chastening, of correction, of spiritual transformation.
 
And, as the winepress of God's love tightens around our fleshly perception of ourselves and our fleshly opinions and our fleshly priorities and our fleshly goals, then - one by one - they are broken and then crushed amidst His love for us.
 
It is a disconcerting, disappointing and humbling experience to watch the skin, and the stem, and the pulp and the seeds of our own personalities spew forth as we are transformed to have the personality of Christ.
 
But, in the end, all that is left......is Wine.
Spirit.
Truth.
And Peace.
 
And this is a precious vision of our Father's love, that when we do not choose the right way, He will choose to bring us back to it.
 
Gently as possible.
Firmly as needed.
This is the Love of our Father.
 
Now no chastening for the present seemeth joyous, but grievious: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
Hebrews 12:11

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In her song Less Like Scars, Sara Groves sings so eloquently of this process of change and growth and transformation in Christ. Please read the lyrics, watch the video, and be blessed as you reflect upon this aspect of the Journey that we are all sharing.





Less Like Scars

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you

And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able

And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars (x3)

And more like
Character

There You Are, Peter

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In the 1991 movie Hook, the story of Peter Pan, there is a scene that has always stuck with me because of a spiritual symbolism that I see in it.

Peter (portrayed in this film version of the tale by Robin Williams), who originally lived in Never Never Land, has grown up in the world and now forgotten both his roots and experiences in Never Never Land. He returns to Never Never Land with Tinkerbell to find his son, who has been kidnapped by an evil pirate from his youth.

When he arrives, he finds a group of boys called the Lost Boys. When Peter lived in Never Never Land as a boy, he was their leader. But now, after spending so much time in the world that it has robbed him of his memories and his birthright, they do not recognize him, nor he them.

But then one of the little Lost Boys, Pockets, approaches Peter and asks him to kneel down. When Peter does, Pockets places his hands on the sides of Peter’s face and gently stretches his face into a grin.

When he does so, all the Lost Boys gasp in recognition, and Pockets says, “There you are, Peter.”

I was praying recently with an old friend of mine, a Brother in Christ. He'd been out in the world for a while now. I’d see him every once in a while, and I came to notice over time that he had forgotten who he was. He had forgotten his birthright. Living in the world as part of the world will do that to you.

Gets to the point that, though you can love someone who is living as part of the world with all your heart, you don’t recognize them like you used to, either. You remember that there was a person by that name and with that appearance, but it’s been so long since you’ve seen them as they were that you wonder if you’d recognize them if they suddenly reappeared.

It was kind of that way for my friend and I. But then we got together to pray recently. I asked him to pray. Just felt I ought to. And he didn’t start praying right away. He waited. And then he began to pray.

The way he prayed was different, yet familiar. The way he prayed was like he used to pray when he and Jesus were close.

And, just as though my friend’s words of prayer were a revelation of him kneeling before Jesus while He placed His hands lovingly upon his cheeks and stretched them into a smile, I heard my heart gasp in recognition. “There you are, Peter.”

Peter has returned to the land of his youth.

Parts of the Whole

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It is nothing like we initially thought it would be, is it? It is not as we were taught, but it is exactly as God's Word tells us.

It is not something that we can grasp at once. He must use His Word to lead us as a lamp unto our feet so that we may take one step at a time.

It is not something that we were ready for. It is something that He has been and will continue to prepare us for as we continue to listen and obey in spite of the seeming "foolishness" of it all.

We have seen parts, and parts of the whole. Others have seen other parts, and other parts of the whole. We each have a piece, and if we humbly recognize that and come together to ask God to fit those pieces together as He sees them, we will become a living component of the heart of God for this day.

As we have seen what He has shown us, our hearts have come to begin beating with His. As we come together with parts of the whole that sometimes seem radically different from one another and ask Him to converge what He has given each of us, our hearts will all begin to beat as one.

A school of fish, a flock of birds. Moving as one. Not identical to one another, but formed in His image, and one with Him and each other like never before.

This thing of the seemingly different parts of the whole that exist is an important issue for us all to prayerfully consider in this season.

If we agreed to meet one another in Dallas, Texas, and one came from Louisiana and the other from New Mexico, we would come with different visions of our arrival and, thus, of the whole.

The one who came from the east might say, "Did you see the beautiful skyline of Dallas majestically jutting into the sky?"

The other would respond, "What do you mean? I saw no majestic skyline. I saw the endless corrals of plenty, filled with cattle to feed the world."

Differing parts of the whole, but accurately representative of the whole.

We can't see the whole. Now we see in part. But as we come together, respecting God and one another in understanding the spiritual principle behind the example above, we will see Him reveal "a whole" that individual eye has not seen, nor exclusive ear heard, nor single heart of man fully imagined.

Refiner's Fire

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"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
Malachi 3:3






This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"

He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

Nothing Left Unsaid

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My Dad passed away in 1994, but left an indelible impression upon everyone he met. I remember that he spoke of Christ in a way that I hadn't heard others speak of Him. He was familiar with Him. He had a living, breathing, growing relationship with Jesus.


Many other people that I met as a boy had religion or church, but my Dad had been given a new life about which he was thrilled, and he would tell you so.

My Dad was strong, yet gentle. He was easy-going, but deep. He was simple, but profoundly wise.

My Dad and I were aware of it when we had our last conversation before his passing. He had told me that it was imminent, and so we shared our love with one another one more time.

I remember that at one point during the conversation there was a pause, and I had a dramatic revelation. There was a pause because my Dad and I had spoken all the words that we were supposed to speak to each other in this life.

What a gift I was given in that regard. There was nothing left unsaid or undone between my Dad and I. It was all out there, spoken, shared, experienced. I miss him. But I have never felt that there was something that I wish I could go back and say to him. And I realize that this is a tremendous blessing from God.

So we paused, knowing that the end of the words had come, and our parting was at hand. And then he spoke his last words to me. I knew they would be the last words of a life unrivaled in my eyes, words with which he specifically wanted to leave me.

"Son?," he said.

"Yes, Dad?"

"Walk with Jesus, son."

"I will, Dad."

"I'll see you there, son."

And so concluded all the words.

My Dad had told me while he was still living that if I was to ever wonder how I could best honor his memory, that it would be by seeking to live the things that he had taught me.

I'm giving it my best, Dad.

I'll see you there.


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When I was spiritually weak, and lost, and afraid and unable, my Dad carried me, just like the Dad in this video.

730 Days

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The following post is one received from a dear friend and true Brother to us in this journey with Christ. His post speaks to the joy of liberty in our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus, and to our need for His presence at the center of our lives, every day. Love you, Brother.

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What can I say but "Wow!"

I struggled with addiction since I was 13 yrs old. On November 21, 2004, I surrendered. I gave my will and life over to God of my understanding; I opened the door.

I [had] heard the knocks, but refused to listen to them. I knew it was Jesus. I wanted to do things my way, not God's way. I had to be shown, beat down and broken.

I accepted Jesus back in my life, and my life has never been the same.


I have entered a world I had forgotten years ago. I feel like a child again. Everything to me is like a new experience. In some ways, I feel as if I was dead during those 25 years of addiction.

God is beside me at all times, showing me how to live. It is so amazing.

He has given me friends; something I never had before. He took to a city (Sidney, Ohio) where I knew no one. Now I have a network of friends who love me for who I am. I feel worthy now, and know who I really am.

I'm on this journey that I dont want to stop. Every day is new, full of God's loving grace and power so great that it almost makes me want to cry.

I know that God has great plans for me in the years to come. I pray to Him often and talk to Him as my friend.

My hope is to help people to know who God is, and His amazing power, and how He can change a person and their life for the best life to come.

I am so full of gratefulness, that I want to share it with everyone.

Its great to be sober today.

I must progress foward no matter what.

Prepared For Service

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He is chipping away at our old man, confronting our deepest fears, purifying our hearts and minds and intentions with fire, molding us in His image, and fashioning us within and without to be all things to all people, that some might be saved.

God preserve us in the journey.

God be glorified in the results.

A Key In The Desert

I was 19 years old, and growing increasingly troubled. There were issues stemming from childhood, the recent break-up of an emotionally intense relationship, and the pressure of producing and performing in an upcoming benefit concert for my former high school.

But the main reason for my troubled spirit was my inability to deal with the rejection.

People would come into my life and, even though I would tell them I was just human like every one else and that I was sincerely trying to be the person I was meant to be, they would get to know me and end up throwing me away. It seemed like they had discovered that, even though I was honest and told them I had stuff I was working on, that my words had turned out to be true and now they subconsciously felt that I wasn’t good enough to be in their lives. It seemed as though they felt that they didn’t have time or it wasn’t their job to help me in my journey to become who I was meant to be. That hurt. And I didn’t know how to handle it.

Rejection had piled upon rejection over the course of my high school years and now, at age 19 and just 4 days before the benefit concert, I finally felt powerless. And I gave up.

Heading For The Hills
One of the few places in felt any solace was in the foothills overlooking the city where I lived. I would watch the lights begin to come on as dusk approached, and marvel at the beauty before me. Somehow that beauty had kept me going, giving me a little hope that there was hope for me.

But this night, I drove there powerless, and I knew that I had no hope. I knew that no lights could change that. This night, I drove to the foothills knowing that it was my last night.

My Dad was a wonderful Bible teacher and a wonderful man. He had taught my sister and I from our earliest age about Christ and God’s Word. I knew a lot of it. But it just hadn’t sunk down into my heart. It hadn’t changed me, and wouldn’t for many years. It just served to make me more hopeless because I saw others seeming to live this life with Christ when I felt that I could not. I didn’t understand it at that moment, but I didn't know Jesus at all. He was there with me, and He loved me and protected me, but I didn’t know Him.

And so, I remember sitting in the foothills, watching the lights of the city begin to come to light, even as the light of my own life was flickering out.

“I’m sorry, Jesus,” I told him out loud as I wept. “I know You’re real, but I just can’t take this anymore. It hurts too much, and it never stops. I’m sorry, Jesus.”

I stepped out of my car, closed my eyes tightly, turned around three times in a circle and threw my car keys as hard as I could into the desert, returning to my car seat without ever looking where they might have gone.

I didn’t want to be saved. I didn’t want to change my mind, because I knew that there would just be more pain that would follow that decision. I wanted to be sure that my pain was finally going to end for good.

A Key In The Desert
I sat weeping, drinking my hard liquor and swallowing my pills, and that’s all I remember. The next thing I can recall is waking up in my bed at home, and walking out to find my best friend Ed there waiting for me. Ed loved me, and I could see that he was broken-hearted and scared by what I had done.

But at that moment, I didn’t really care, because I couldn’t figure out why I was still alive. I had planned it perfectly. The alcohol. The amount of pills. And I threw those keys as hard as I could into the desert, and I knew there was no way I could have found them by myself. Why was I still alive?

Ed told me that I had driven to a local convenience store and while there a mutual friend had seen me and been concerned by my behavior. They called my friends and they came looking for me. Meanwhile, I ended up parked in the parking lot of the business where I worked, and my fellow employees called the paramedics.

When it was all said and done, they told me I had about 20 - 30 minutes to live when the paramedics got to me. I was lucky to be alive, they said. Years later, when I had finally come to Christ in my 30s, I asked our Lord how I had made it down from those hills. He told me that an angel had gotten those keys and brought them to me.

Now I know that Jesus intervened that day. I know that I would have spent eternity in hell if He hadn’t. He’s never left me, and never given up on Me. But the story doesn’t end there.

Michelle
2 days later, I got up early. I still wasn’t sure what had just happened to me. I just knew that God wasn’t going to let me die, so I had to deal with things somehow. I went to my car and set out for the local auditorium. Today was the day of the benefit concert and we had a full day of stage set-up and sound checks before we would play ay 8:00 pm that night.

Less than a block from my house and still in my residential area, a little girl who was waiting for her school bus unexpectedly jumped out from behind a hedge and directly into the path of my car.

I remember that she turned around and was looking at me through my front windshield when I hit her. I heard her go underneath my car as I slammed on the brakes.

It was so quiet as I leaped from my car. It was like there was no sound from anything at all. There was total silence as I looked beneath my car and felt sudden terror because I saw no one underneath it. Then the silence was pierced by a scream.

I looked up and standing before me at the side of the street, gripping the chain link fence of the yard in front of her, stood the little girl. Her back was covered with blood. I would find out later that, from her neck down to her ankles, there was no skin on her back. She stood shaking and screaming, and I ran over to her just as the elderly couple whose fence she was holding came out of their house and said “Bring her in here!”

I knew it would hurt her, but I had to pick her up and carry her. There was no other way. And so I set my mind and I lifted her up with my arms around the back of her shoulders and beneath her knees, and I carried her into the house.

The couple had already laid out blankets on their couch and they were calling 9-1-1 as I entered the house and laid the little girl down on the couch.

I remember not caring about anything but that little girl at that moment. I remember not caring about me. I remember not caring about whether or not the couple heard me praying for that little girl. And I remember what I desperately prayed.

Covered with her blood, I prayed “Please help this little girl, Jesus. I know I’m messed up, Jesus, but don't let her get messed up because of me. Please.....”

As I prayed, the little girl stopped screaming, and the paramedics arrived and took her to the hospital.

The elderly couple spoke with the police, telling them they had seen the entire accident, and that there was no way I could have seen the little girl when she ran out into the street. The police agreed. But that didn’t change the way I felt. I was numb. Why had this happened?

Forgotten Little Girl
That day as I worked with the stage crews at the auditorium, I constantly called the hospital to see about the little girl, whose name I was told was Michelle. They kept telling me that she was still in surgery, and there was no word on her condition. By the time we went on stage that night, I still didn’t know if she was going to make it or not.

And that’s all I remember about it. From then on in my life, I was haunted by the fact that I had never gone to see Michelle after the accident, that I had never sought to make contact and tell her how sorry I was.

As I made my way through life in my 20’s, I was descending into a mire of addiction and lies, and the underlying thought that I constantly had was that I was a bad person, that I had tried to end it all and spare everyone but God wouldn’t let me, and that as proof of it all, I hadn’t gone to see Michelle after the accident.

The fact that Christ had spared me from an eternity in hell was still lost on me. Somehow I believed that I was saved because I had said a prayer one time. I believed that I was a Christian, but that I was just lousy at it. I believed that I was a Christian, but something about that seemed so wrong.

What a powerless, hopeless man I had become.

A Light Reserved
Years later, in my early 30s, I hit the bottom and finally accepted Christ. I came to know that I didn’t know Him, and that this was why it seemed so wrong that I considered myself a Christian. Being a genuine Christian was hard, but now I knew that my relationship with Him was for real.

Over several years of Bible study, applied living, and the earnest counsel of elders that God brought into my life, what I had been taught in my childhood came to life through God’s Holy Spirit. I taught Bible studies in my home, as well, and then came a day when my wife and I knew that we were supposed to move. We prayed for the better part of a year, and God told us to move to Ohio.

We departed in our moving truck for Ohio and made a stop in Las Vegas to visit my sister and her family. One night, as my sister and I were talking alone, she said, “You know, I always knew that you would be okay with the Lord someday because of that time with that little girl.” “What little girl?” I asked.

“You remember.” she said, “That little girl who you hit with your car.”

“What?,” I said incredulously, as the shame surged back upon me, unbeknownst to my sister.

“You remember that day when I came to pick you up to go to lunch with you?” she asked. “I remember that you came out of the house with this big stuffed dog. You were quiet and you put the dog in the back of my car and said ‘We need to go somewhere before we go to lunch.’”

I was rapt with attention as she spoke, not remembering a single detail of what she was describing. She continued. “We drove down the street about a quarter of a mile, and you told me to pull over in front of a house and to wait for you. You got out of the car, took the big stuffed dog out and began to walk toward the house. Before you had even reached the door, a little girl came running out of the house to you, calling your name. You hugged her and sat on the front porch steps with her for 20 minutes or so, talking to her. When I saw that that day, I knew that someday you would be okay. That was what was really in your heart.”

I remember asking my sister, “Tell me again?”, because I wanted remember forever what I had heard. I had blocked it all out, you see, because of the overwhelming trauma of those 4 days. I had been overwhelmed by the thought of rejecting that little girl when I myself had been so troubled because others had rejected me. But it wasn't true. I hadn't rejected her. Somehow, in the midst of my pain and years before I would come to know Him, Jesus used me to reach out to that precious little girl.

What a light shined in my heart! How full of hope was I! God had reserved this light and this hope for this very day when I had finally come to know Him and I was following Him to the ends of the earth. He was letting me know that He had always seen what was really inside of me, that He had never given up on me, and that He would always be with me.

The Prayer Of The Powerless
God’s Word tells us that “while we were yet powerless, God sent to His Son to die for our sins.” He has covered us and our sins with His blood. God can take that which was intended for evil and turn it to good. I’m sure that many Christians who are reading this can look back on our own lives and now see the times when - before we had faith - He saved us from ourselves even when we didn’t want to be saved.

If we hold fast to the profession of our faith, the very dire and difficult things in our lives will turn out to be to the furtherance of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

But I need to ask a question of others of you who are reading this. Are you reading this and you feel powerless? Are you without hope? Do you see how God has time and again preserved you to this day, but you wonder “Why?” Do you already know that your sins are many, but you now wish that they could be covered by the blood of Jesus as I have shared here?

Then I ask you to sincerely pray this prayer:

Heavenly Father, I know I’m a sinner. But I believe that Your Son, Jesus Christ, came to this earth, lived a sinless life, and then died upon the cross for the sins of the world, including me. I repent of my sins and I ask for Your forgiveness through Jesus’ sacrifice, Father. Please give me Your Spirit, and make me Your child. In Jesus name, Amen.

If you sincerely prayed this prayer, your journey is not over. It has just begun. You are setting out on a journey to become a disciple of Jesus Christ and to make disciples for Him. You cannot make this journey alone, however. You’ll need Jesus Christ and your fellow disciples to help you - every day.

The next step with Christ is for you to find that home with a local group of believers that He’s reserved just for you. God knows you so well. He has waited so long to welcome you into His family. He will be able to lead you to the right place and to the right people if you’ll just pray and ask for Him to guide you. You’ll be amazed by how plain He can make things.

You have taken the first step on your journey from a powerless life to an endless life in Christ Jesus.

Looking To The Sky
When I was 19 years old, I headed for the foothills because I felt rejected. Isn't it wonderful that, because of God's unwavering love and care for us, His children don’t have to run for the hills in pain anymore?

We look to the sky, from where Jesus will return to gather us together for eternity in the very presence of God.

Only He could save us. Only He can heal our hearts. Only He can enable us to walk with Him and each other in the bond of His love and peace.

You see, it’s true. And it’s true about all of us.

We’re all just human and we’re trying to be the people we’re meant to be in Christ.

Thank you, Jesus, for never rejecting us, for never giving up on us, for having the time to help us in love, and for purposing in Your heart that it was Your job to help us on this journey to become who we are in You.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

NOTE: This posting is a copyrighted writing by the author, published on this blog with their express consent. You may not re-publish this writing (including in blogs or e-mailings) without the express, written consent of the author. You may obtain such permission by contacting Nameless Faceless Love via e-mail.

The Power Of His Resurrection

"That I may know Him,
and the power of His resurrection....."
Philippians 3:10


When Jesus walked out of that tomb, it was done.
He had risen from the dead.
And now the way Home to God was secure and eternal.

What joy He must have experienced as the stone rolled away.
He must have personally felt the power of His own resurrection.
He knew what it meant for us.

Have you ever wondered what it looked like to Jesus when that stone rolled away?
Close your eyes for a few moments, and then a few more, and then open them.
That's what it looked like.

And every morning after sleep, we open our eyes, and the stone rolls away again.
Every morning we can be reminded again of the power of his resurrection.
And every morning, we can leap from our beds, crying....

"It is finished!"
"It is finished!"
"It is finished!"

Oh, how sweet, to know the power of His resurrection.